Denouement - [Regret]

Part 4 of,

 what never happened and what never ended.

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    "Do you ever regret it?"

    "What do you mean?"

    "I mean, do you regret pushing me away back then? Not knowing what we could've become."

I remain silent. Weird. I thought this is a question that has a clear answer, a question that I can answer easily. But it isn't.

It isn't that simple. 

I do hope that I can go back to the past, to change my choice, to see the other possibility of us. But that thought only exists because I want to please myself. Reality doesn't work that way.

We can't undo what has happened. All we can do is accept that it cannot be changed and try to make a better decision in the future. 

After thinking for a while, I know how to answer that question.

    "To be honest, I don't regret it. I mean, yes I do still love you and miss you like crazy ever since we broke up. But no, I don't regret it."

    "That's surprising because I thought you were going to say that you regret it."

    "Yeah, me too."

Again, there's silence between us. I guess, my answer is quite surprising for him because he thought he knew me best. And he is. But, a lot of things have happened, and in the meantime, I don't think about myself too much. I started to ignore what I want and do what I should instead. I guess that's why.

    "You know, I would do it a thousand times."

    "What?"

He seems confused by my sudden statement.

    "Pushing you away. Letting you go. I would do it a thousand times. If it hurts me, but it leads you to happiness, then I would do it over and over again. And I won't regret it even for a bit."

I hope he can understand what I'm trying to say. 

But that hope is unnecessary. Because I know, he can see right through me.